Call Me Done–I’m Burnt Out!

How do single parents do it? Or military families?

I am burnt out.

Jason is burnt out.

I honestly never get any daylight alone time minus kids, well, let’s see. Ummmm…hmmmm…I can’t ever remember the last time. Perhaps it was two weeks ago when I went to see a movie by myself and it was still daylight out when I left but dark when the movie was over. But other than that–I never, ever, ever get alone time to regain the sanity I’ve lost throughout the week.

Ever.

Not even while I’m in the bathroom doing my duty. Somehow my closing and locking the bathroom door is code for: lets fight, then yell through the door to tell mom all about it, and then expect her to do something about it that very second. I think I will build myself one of these in my yard just for me!

Isn’t the idea sooo drool worthy?! Heeeeeey, looky-look! It’s me in there!

So I’m burnt out.

I can’t take it anymore.

It can’t stay like this anymore.

Jason works before the sun rises and until 7:00 sometimes 8:00 at night. Sometimes he will come home for a few hours only to leave for work again. By the time he is home, he is completely exhausted. I can’t complain and won’t complain because he is my hero. He is working his butt off not only out in the heat but in an attic or on a roof in this blazing 90-100+ heat. I am in my air conditioned house most of the day. Although his work is mostly physical during the day and a ton of paperwork at night, his work is definitely more exhausting. So I don’t complain but I am mentally and emotionally cracking.

It’s time.

It’s time to put trust into a babysitter, preferably a young woman from my church ward. Even if it’s only for 3 hours. Jason and I have talked about it, the guilt we’d feel if something were to ever happen to any of our kids on someone else’s watch. But we have to reconsider for both of our sakes. And the kids too. I’m taking my frustrations out on them. It’s evident with how quickly I snap at them, command them to do this or that. I love them. Big sigh…they deserve soo much better.

So I will now put my efforts into finding a babysitter for a 3 hour period to watch my girls. Already, as I type this, I am a little relieved but more stressed out at the idea of being separated from them. I don’t know if I’ll be able to enjoy my time away knowing that neither Jason or I will be there to watch them. But I just have to overcome this fear for the health of the family. Perhaps once a week we will do this or maybe once every few weeks, but not more than that. Jason and I are extremely protective of our girls. We’re even particular as to which family members we’ll allow to watch our kids. When they are with us, we know that they are being taken care of and are safe. When they are with someone else, then there is no longer that secure knowledge.

Okay, I will do this.

I.

Will.

Do this.

I can do this.

I hope.

Maybe.

Well, I’ll think about it.